We all struggle with this at some point in our lives. Many of us never stop struggling with this one thing that has been asked of us to do. Whether it's forgiving ourselves, or those who have wronged us, or what I personally find the most challenging, forgiving those who have wronged the ones we love, Heavenly Father has made it clear that this is necessary for us to be able to be forgiven by Him.
I was once told that the word Forgive comes from the German word "Vorgeben". "Vor" meaning 'before' and "Geben" meaning 'given'. So in this sense "Vorgeben" means to have given before the Offense has ever even taken place. Imagine if we all lived by this definition of Forgiveness. We could cease to feel anger and resentment again.
I think about Kindness and how this type of Forgiveness is like Kindness. Because being kind means not holding any kind of prejudgment towards others, being slow to anger, quick to help those in need, and smiling gratefully at those who help us with our daily tasks even if the help wasn't performed perfectly.
When others have wronged me, I often try to understand why they did what they did, so to more easily come to terms with it and move on to forgiveness. But there is an error in this kind of thinking, because a lot of times I can't come up with a 'Why'. My attempt at Sympathizing becomes the direct link to resentment as I start to think, "they must have done it to hurt me," Or "They're just too stupid for their own good and the world would be better off without them." Certainly, not Christlike thoughts.
It's not my job to understand 'Why'. My job is to Forgive and Forget, and move on to making the world a better place by doing my best in all things.
A few nights ago I sent Tyson out to go get some groceries. He was a little sleep deprived since he had been getting up around 4:30 a.m. for work and then he worked until about 7pm that particular night. I was originally going to go with him, but then decided it was getting too late to bring Rhodri out, so I made a list and figured Tyson wouldn't have too much trouble with it. Well, then 2 hours later he shows up with 10 bags of mostly juice plus some of the things on the list. Though as I was putting stuff away I noticed that instead of Soy milk, he got Almond milk. And there was also some green tea (which we definitely don't drink) with mango and pineapple, but when I asked about these things, he had no idea he had even grabbed them! I couldn't help it, I just started laughing.
He tried to explain himself by saying "I'm so tired! I was just trying to get out of there."
Lol. So, he grabbed 10 things of juice and it somehow took 2 hours to go to the store that is a 2 minute drive from our house.
Next time, I think I will just wait until I am able to go with him.
I have been singing to Rhodri since before he was born, and it seems that he thoroughly enjoys it most of the time. I even wrote him a little lullaby that I may be willing to record and post with a little encouragement. He Definitely recognizes when I'm singing his lullaby; he gets this look on his face of perfect contentment. It's as if he knows it is his song.
The other day I started singing some classical music just to see what he thought of it, and a huge smile came on his face. He thinks it's funny. Yesterday I think he was trying to sing with me. I tried to record it, but I didn't catch much of it, as seems to always be my luck when it comes to him and cameras. Here's a clip of his little performance.
As Rhodri has gotten bigger, he seems to need to know that I am there with him. When I am feeding him, he likes to grab my my hand with both of his. When I am cradling him, he wraps his arm around mine. When I birp him, he reaches around to my back and will either pat me too or he'll grab a fist full of my shirt and hang on tight.
I've decided that there is nothing better in this world than baby hugs. There's a beautiful knowledge that comes with the embrace of a tiny infant, that you are the world to this little being. His love is innocent and pure, and there is no one else living on this Earth that can love your baby as much as you.
I like to take these moments and just love him back. I hope to always be able to remember the perfect feeling I get when he hugs me.
Have you ever felt like your life belonged on a sitcom? I had that feeling yesterday. Let me explain why.
Tyson's Dad's second wife, whom his father is no longer married to, is the closest thing Tyson has had to a mother figure in his life. We keep in contact with her regularly, especially lately, and with the arrival of our little Rhodri, Stephanie planned a little trip from Seattle to see us this weekend. To avoid any akwardness, we didn't tell Tyson's dad that she would be coming. Not that they are on bad terms, but you know.
Anyway, we had Fabricio, my 3 year old quarter Costa Rican and Catholic step-son, over when Stephanie (Puerto Rican) and her Girlfriend Jenny (white) arrived. As Tyson is helping them bring their things in from the car, Tyson's dad pulls up to our house. Insert awkard reunion. Ha ha ha...oops. I was secretly dying of laughter inside. And then As I'm standing in the front doorway to our house with Rhodri in my arms, our 19 year old African American room mate walks out of his room to see what all the commotion is.
